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The Crown Courts

from Hygge by Ian Evans

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Detailed lyrics and all the references come free, if you download the album. Lyrics below :-) Cheers, Ian E


Colin the squirrel is the reincarnation of one of the old judges
He has his own Facebook group and no fear of jurors
We queue to get into Southwark assizes
It takes ages to be searched. It’s like an airport and very 60’s
I’m tired and excited

I’m not called to a case in the first week, so read Caitlin Moran’s book and Scarlet Traces
I’d like coffee and crisps, but don’t want to waste them
By day three, I’ve realised that there’s no rush to do anything
We’re opposite HMS Belfast, whose guns point to a motorway service station

Scrawled in the toilets is, “Judges eat caviar, barristers eat shit. Jurors eat at Whittington’s”
The best value for your free food card is pie chips and beans at lunch
The cooked breakfast is nicer, but smaller and leaves you with credit crunch

10am start. 4pm finish. Good hours for me
The judge sends us home and I go to buy cheese

Borough Market is nearby as well as St. Thomas’s. The tallest hospital on earth
It’s still dwarfed by the alien Shard. It’s like the end of War of the Worlds
I love the George coaching inn nearby and the big model skull in the surgery yard

The judge is all I’d hoped for – jowly and upper class with a ruddy complexion
The defence barrister notices a juror’s Howard Marx book and makes an ill judged attempt to appeal to him
Saying that some people might think of anti-cannabis laws as immoral. But the defendant is a copper, whom all of us give honour

It’s weird how close the twelve of us feel, despite forgetting to give names and ideals
We joke that a witness might be silenced. Or that he’s having an affair - it’s fun to make up evidence
And to laugh about how bad that would be
We find him guilty, which he really must be
But, as a policeman, he’ll lose his job we worry and it’s only one grand
They want to play charades while we wait, but I’m too shy to partake


from Hygge, released April 25, 2012
Ian Evans, all instruments and singing


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Ian Evans UK

Pop/experimental/rock musician and songwriter from London

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