Lyrics

Mission, to go to V and A Museum and see the giant 3 stringed bass of Dragonetti
Sidetracked by Shaftesbury Avenue memory loss and by the Natural History Museum, which is my favourite place
I saw the Tucsan ring meteorite. My heterotopian Albertopolis
Got to the main arch, which tests adventurers with its inscription, “The excellence of every art must consist in the accomplishment of its every purpose”

I was ensnared by the bag search, yeah…
And by Dale Chihuly’s jellyfish chandelier - Guardian of the rotunda
Into the corridor I fought the trap of the Ardabil Carpet (kept within glass, with light shone twice an hour)
Made for Shah Tahmasp in 1539
And then the Cast Courts, the Cast Courts yeah…
Parian marble for the Dacian Campaigns of Emperor Trajan
Cast for the forum in Rome and the tomb of Saint Sepaldus, carried by an army of snails

My next test was the giant hall of Rafael cartoons, with the Miraculous Draft of Fishes
And the Dacre beasts (fish, horse, griffin and bull) which can resist fire and they blocked my path with spears
I found the huge dome of the fashion section, here I faced temptations of the flesh…
Christian Joy’s designs for Karen O and the Pierre Balmain cocktail dress
It’s here I saw my goal up in the hidden chamber above the central display
Through the iron work corridor and down the secret walkway
I passed the sleeping guard to claim my prize

And then the Cast Courts, the Cast Courts yeah…
As I left the instrument room I saw a red herring… the imitation music room of Norfolk House
Where waited Sir Foster Cunliffe the headless archer, blocking my escape
And the black crown of Fred Wilson
My final test was a corridor of punk paper sculptures, called the Ante room of the May Queen
I fought off the grass to the metal exit doors and then into the brick tunnel to escape
And so the end of a good day

References

* “V and A” – The Victoria and Albert Museum in London
* 3 stringed bass – An antique instrument, on display at the museum (at the time I wrote this song!)
* Dragonetti – An Italian double bass virtuoso and socialite, who paid to have the above bass made
* Shaftesbury Avenue – A street in London, famous for theatres
* “Shaftesbury Avenue memory loss” – An imaginary disease mentioned in the Reeves and Mortimer comedy series. They're hysterical
* The Natural History Museum – Another fab museum, opposite the V and A
* Tucsan ring meteorite – A doughnut shaped meteorite, in the Natural History Museum’s geology section
* Heterotopian – A word coined by French philosopher Michel Foucault, to designate an out of the ordinary situation where life’s rules work differently - For example, being on honeymoon or at Disney Land
* Albertopolis – The area of the above museums (named after the Prince Consort Albert, Queen Victoria’s husband)
* Dale Chihuly – Sculptor, who built the V and A’s impressive central exhibit
* The Ardabil Carpet of Shah Tahmasp – A valuable Persian rug, protected in a sinister, dark hall. It’s lit twice an hour, to avoid being damaged by the museum lights
* The Cast Courts – Area of the V and A museum devoted to plaster casts of world monuments
* Parian marble - a type of semi-translucent marble, quarried during the classical era on the Greek island of Paros
* Dacia – An ancient culture, now part of Romania
* Emperor Trajan – A Roman Emperor, considered by some historians to be one of the most popular
* The tomb of Saint Sepaldus – A tomb in the Cast Courts, which incorporates giant snails into its design :-)
* Raphael - Italian master painter and architect in the High Renaissance
* The Miraculous Draft of Fishes – A mural by Raphael, showing a miracle observed by fishermen
* The Dacre beasts – Sculptures of four monstrous animals, opposite the above painting in the museum. They were rescued from a fire
* Christian Joy – An American clothes designer
* Karen O – Lead singer of American band the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s
* Pierre Balmain – French designer who said that, "dressmaking is the architecture of movement."
* The imitation music room of Norfolk House – Recreation of a room at the museum, from a London stately home
* Sir Foster Cunliffe the headless archer – When I went to the museum to research this song, the above music room depicted this archery loving nobleman. (He was shown without a head, as a metaphor by the artist)
* The Black Crown by Fred Wilson – Another work of art, on display at the museum during my visit
* The Ante room of the May Queen – As above. This was a corridor of torn paper doilies and the final exhibit that I saw on my way out